


they don't know my heart

by messagety



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Band, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-06
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-21 21:56:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7406461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/messagety/pseuds/messagety
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>there weren't many things tyler liked.<br/>except for a pretty boy with vibrant hair he <em>totally</em> wasn't helplessly falling in love with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. you don't know me, i don't know you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi  
> i don't know what the heck this is.  
> but enjoy. or not.
> 
> this is set right after tyler wrote npi because i am a monster.
> 
> nothing really happens in the first few chapters but it gets cute i swear.
> 
> (shoutout to adri - @dunbagels on insta - for the ideas and the motivation.)

tyler woke abruptly in utter confusion when bright sunlight peered through the single window as to purposely violate his slumber. what doesn't leave him perplexed are the tears in his tired eyes and his shaky breath. wouldn't be the first time.

with great difficulty, he fights through his semi-lethargic state. it takes all of the strength in his body to be able to manage to sit up on the side of his makeshift bed. what he slept on was really just an old mattress drowned in the amount of pillows and blankets it took to make up for the sheer uncomfort it provided. this ol' setup was shoved in one corner of tyler's so-called "room", like the rest of his stuff. but he couldn't ever be thankful enough to his parents for letting him occupy the unfinished basement of their home. his desperate ass decided to bail out of college so this will have to do for now.

tyler threw on a t-shirt he found lying on the ground and made his way up the stairs to meet his family.

"t'was about time," his younger brother mumbled to him as he saw tyler appear through the archway leading to the kitchen.

tyler throws a glance at the clock only to realize it was already two in the afternoon. fair enough, considering he went to bed at an ungodly hour for what seems like the thousandth time. he couldn't sleep again, and made the best out of it, even though it often brought out the worse. his thoughts are countless times more vivid past midnight than they are before it.

tyler already knew that the atmosphere that was going on in the kitchen was no good. both of his parents must've had a stressful workweek again, and his siblings looked like they all were going through a high peek of teenage angst. tyler knew he couldn't say a word without getting yelled at, ignored or coldly answered. and he didn't like it. today definitely wasn't an appropriate time to go about his usual daily endeavours. he knew that any "obnoxious" sound coming from the basement would just annoy his family to an even bigger extent. he wanted out of this house. quick.

he ignored his growing hunger before tumbling back the stairs to his bedroom. he took a quick shower in the adjacent bathroom without even bothering to dry himself fully. he thought about how his mother would pester him about going outside with wet hair, saying he would catch a cold. that never actually happened anyway.

he grabs a drawstring bag and stuffs it with a torn notebook, a pen, a half-empty bag of chips and his cheap ukulele. he had a hard time fitting that last item in the bag, although he succeeded in the end. the instrument created a weird imprint on the outside of the bag , and made the fabric bend it the most awkward ways. he thought to himself that thankfully he's not going to a place that forbids ukuleles - if such a godforsaken place exists - since the very obviously ukulele-shaped lump would give his intentions away.

he put on clean - at least he thinks they are - clothes and old shoes, grabbed his car keys and cautiously threw his bag over one of his shoulders. before you knew it, he was out the door without leaving time for anyone to react to him leaving. he couldn't help but notice that his sister maddy was now missing from the kitchen. he guess she couldn't take it anymore either. tyler loved his family to death but sometimes they could be overwhelming.

tyler slid onto the seat of his rusty car. he really hates that car. it was extremely outdated and had a disgusting beige-ish salmon pink color to it. the engine made a terrific sound when tyler turned the key into the ignition and then switched gears to _drive_.

he hated driving also. in fact there was a lot of things he hated, but driving was one of them. he loathed the thought of being vulnerable in such a way, yet expected to have control. in reality the only thing in control of that 2000-pound vehicle was his own brain, and that terrified him. sometimes, other things can come in the way of your control. somebody without that said control could endanger your own. tyler has to constantly try to stop thinking about how some dude, drunk out of his mind, could appear in the middle of nowhere and crash his car into him, killing him off instantly.

nonetheless, he drives off and takes the route that leads to an area of the town he's pretty positive no one knows about. he drives for a minute, then five, then ten, then fifteen and finally twenty. he hasn't seen any house or building in about six miles of distance when he drives into an empty field and put his car to a stop. the field was lined with trees melting into a lush forest.

one of the things tyler did love though, was the forest. it was scary to others but to him it was calming. he lived for walking amongst the trees and listening to the sound of plain nothingness. he wanted to scream at the tops of his lungs, maybe filling the silence slightly.

"is anybody out there ?," the words slipped off his tongue in a softer tone than anticipated.

he had wanted to yell out those words but he couldn't bring himself to do it. even though he knew he wouldn't get an answer. he secretly hoped that one day the forest could answer him somehow. not very plausible, but tyler liked to dream. there was something truly intriguing about the forest.

tyler wandered for a while before finding what he was longing for. he had come to this place before but he still didn't know his way around it. usually he just walked along aimlessly and mindlessly around the forest, not trying to memorize an itinerary at all. he then later regrets it when he remembers that he has to find a way out of this place.

he stops pacing when he's facing the wooden ladder leading up to a slightly run down treehouse. nobody really ever visits it, as long as he knows. he climbs inside of it and still let out a sigh of relief when finding out no one - or nothing - is in there. a chill gets send down his spine everytime he remembers that time he and his friends in fifth grade discovered a cow skull in there. they all started to avoid the treehouse from that day on, except for tyler. he just carefully threw the skull away as far as he could and tried his best to forget about it. not that successful of an attempt, it turns out.

tyler settles in the corner of the tiny building and unpacks the bag he had brought with him. he tried to forget the fact that his ukulele was way out of tune and lightly strummed its strings, trying to find chord progressions he liked, and when he eventually did, wrote it down messily in his notebook. he did this often, although it almost always led to nothing but him scrapping his ideas. then he would try to empty his mind out on a piece of paper as much as he could, and sometimes it would take the form of lyrics. from time to time he would leave a bunched up sheet of paper filled with scribbled words in the deepness of the forest for somebody - nobody - to find later.

 _plummet as I sing_ , he wrote down on his page and then hummed out softly as a way to test the waters.

he smiled sadly. "that's a good one," he thought to himself.

into his bag he shoved back his notebook that had a new addition, _isle of flightless birds_ , as he decided to call it.

 

***

 

a voice suddenly extracted him out of his thoughts, and then the thumping of footsteps against the wooden ladder. somebody was climbing up. the male voice kept talking, and whoever it was didn't seem too pleased. tyler felt his entire body tense up as he straightened his arms, palms facing the floor. his heart rate increased at a dangerous speed. he was terrified. panic settles in as the sounds grow louder and louder.

he was gonna die. he was gonna get killed in there. he was gonna die a virgin. without saying goodbye to his family, with- oh no he was gonna die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise he won't burn his treehouse down.


	2. words of mine, words of yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it had been twenty minutes since the two met, and josh hadn't looked up once. tyler, on the other hand, couldn't keep his eyes off him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cute stuff & tyler freaking out over how hot josh it.  
> same tyler, same.

"oh fuck you!"  the voice said as his owner appeared through the frame of the treehouse, holding a cellphone up to his ear. he didn't seem to notice Tyler's presence yet, blinded by his outrage.

"sure," tyler voiced quietly and almost immediately at the sight of the pretty stranger with bright green hair. tyler regretted his word almost as immediately as it came out, but he couldn't help but internally laugh at his own _joke_.

the boy hung his call up when he thought he heard someone talk. he gazed at tyler and his angry features melted right into a confused smirk.

"what did you just say ?" he asked while quirking an eyebrow.

"just talking to myself," tyler began before stopping to stare the other boy down. "...josh" he continued as their gaze met again.

"wh-w-how d'you know my name ?" josh worried as he actually climbed inside the small wooden construction, sitting himself across from tyler.

"you didn't bother changing clothes," tyler answered simply, eyeing at the nametag pinned to Josh's shirt.

josh then looked down at the uniform he was still wearing from the local café he worked at and remembered the situation he was in before running away into the forest. he had gotten an heated phone call during one of his breaks and in lack of knowing what to do he lashed out the restaurant and started running, going seemingly nowhere while still exchanging hateful words with his father.

he thinks for a second that he should go back to his workplace now but it had already been half an hour since he came crashing out the front door. it was probably too late now, and he doesn't even know where the fuck he is.

he settles on staying seated in that shithole of a treehouse for a while more, in the not-so-unpleasant company of the unknown individual sat opposite of him.

both boys sat there quietly in silence, lacking anything to say. tyler opened his mouth as to say something a few times but refrained himself from doing so. instead he just stared at Josh when he thought he wasn't looking.

tyler would be completely intimidated by josh's appearance if it wasn't for his soft, kind features. looking closely, his hair was more of a blue-green color. kinda like seafoam. yes, it reminded tyler of the ocean. the bright hue of his hair provided a stark contrast against his pale skin.

the very small room made them at a closer distance than comfortable. both had their knees up to their chests but their feet were almost touching. the close proximity of the two allowed tyler to notice every detail of josh's face. it was sprinkled with light freckles that covered mostly his nose and cheeks, bringing attention to the thin silver ring going through his nostril. tyler could even see the small scratch on his nose, the tiny dot-shaped scar under his lip suggesting a past piercing, the small black tunnels outlining his gauged ears, his reddening cheeks-

tyler concluded that Josh was beautiful. not in a _gay_ way. in fact he _wasn't_ gay. tyler just appreciated beauty. josh was like a painting. a mesmerizing watercolour with bright blue undertones and soft yet crisp, perfect edges. tyler just really appreciated art as well. that's what it is, right ?

it had been twenty minutes since the two met, and Josh hadn't looked up once. tyler, on the other hand, couldn't keep his eyes off him.  
josh had been staring at the wooden planks that the floor consisted of, while drawing shapes in the dust that it was covered in. his face kept a blank expression, with exception of the times he furrowed his brows slightly, his lips somewhat quivering before he bit them.

they sat in comfortable, yet verging on awkward, silence, sometimes interrupted by the chirping of birds and crickets. what interrupted them next was the violent growling of tyler's stomach.

josh looked up in surprise, revealing small hazel eyes. that makes another thing to add to the never-ending list of things that made him pretty.

"you hungry, dude ?" josh asked in a humorous tone.

embarrassed, tyler fumbled through his bag to find the chips he had packed earlier, now reduced to sad crumbs. tyler pouted at what had to satisfy his hunger.

"i could get you something to eat," josh suggested hesitantly.

"no, it's alright, i've got chips," tyler replies, lifting up his snack. in reality, he was really excited by the request, and hoped josh would insist so he could give in and accept.

"you call those chips ?" he retorted, aware of the state they were in. "more like _salty dust_ . come on, I don't bite," he insisted, answering tyler's prayers.

"okay," tyler sighed, pretending he wasn't totally down.

"i need to go explain myself to my boss anyway. i left way before my shift ended, she's probably really worried or really mad," josh said as they both got up and tyler gathered his things and picked his bag back up. he followed josh down the ladder.

josh let him take the lead walking into the forest, he figured he knew his way around more. josh had no idea where he even was so he trusted him to find the way out.  
all that was to hear was the crunch of their footsteps against the fallen leaves, and all Josh could do was stare at the guy's back in front of him, now just realizing he'd never taken a careful look at his face, neither did he know his _name_ .

"you play the ukulele ?" he asked, in an attempt to break the speechlessness.

tyler knew it wouldn't be incognito. he let out a small _yeah_ in affirmation, not even turning his head to face josh, who giggled.

"that's so.." he started. tyler knew what he meant. he hadn't heard the words come out of his mouth yet but he was already mad at him. s _ay it josh. just say it,_ he thought. _that's so gay_ is what he knew josh would say. that's what his brothers said.

 _cute_ is the first word that came to josh's mind. it really was cute. he couldn't say that, though.

"..cool" he continued after an awkward pause. tyler only shrugged shyly in response.

 

***

 

they made it out of the woods eventually, back to that familiar empty field where tyler parked his car.

"that's my car," he said as they were walking towards the pile of iron with wheels that he uses to drive, somehow.

"that's your car ?" josh repeated, huffing out a laugh. "it looks like it has seen better days," he added.

"hey, don't make fun of me," he retorted back, blushing, the color of his face matching perfectly the color of his car.

 

***

 

what had Josh gotten himself into ? he was on the passenger seat of a car driven by a stranger that he didn't even think was old enough to drive first of all. and now he was inviting him out for dinner or something. at least he had a ride back to the café. he felt bad for thinking he was taking advantage of the kid, considering he found him pretty friendly, even though they probably had not exchanged more than twenty words. josh didn't look at him for the entirety of the ride, keeping his gaze fixated on the outside of his window. it was getting dark already.

tyler parked his car on the side of the road, facing the small café josh directed him to. they both entered it and josh told tyler to pick a table while he'd go talk to his manager.

as soon as Josh showed up in the store, tyler watched as a middle-aged woman stormed to get to him. she greeted him with nothing less than what josh expected ; worry and anger. tyler couldn't hear what she was saying, but it looked at lot like reproach. josh put up a hand in front of him as to protect himself from his manager's impulsive behaviour. he said a few words and the woman's expression and tone immediately changed to compassionate and apologetic. she put up a hand on his shoulder as if to comfort him.

tyler really wonders what josh could've said to provoke such a sudden mood change. then again, he had never been good at reading lips.

why was he even eavesdropping on their conversation anyway ? it's not like he cared. he turned away to stare out the window of the restaurant.

josh sat down in front of tyler five minutes later, with two coffees and two really oversized chocolate chip cookies. tyler thought of putting his up to his face to check if the size matched, but he didn't want to embarrass himself further.

"sorry, we don't really have full meals, only snacks, pastries and coffee," josh apologized while handing him his cup and his behemoth of a cookie on a napkin.

"no it's okay. thanks," he said, beaming enthusiastically. _sh_ _it_

that was the most genuine, pretty smile josh had ever seen and he couldn't help but smile back. his smile was as contagious as the plague.

josh's smile reveals a perfect set of straight white teeth, that tyler thought put his to shame. he immediately closed his mouth and went back to a straight face as he bit into his cookie. maybe it was his scorching hunger talking, but that was the best thing he'd ever eaten.

it was the first time josh could have a good look at his face. he had narrow brown eyes and matching chocolate hair that broke into a few curls at the top. his skin was much tanner than josh's and he had a stern look on his face, that almost looked forced. it was quite adorable actually. some might say that he looked like every other teenage boy, but in josh's eyes he surpassed every one of them.

"i never asked what your name was," josh stated while still examining his every feature.

"tyler joseph," he answered embarrassingly fast, in an almost robotic tone that suggested he'd been waiting for that question for hours. it wasn't even a question. _why'd you say your full name, that's way too formal sounding you fucking twat._  tyler wanted to pour his boiling coffee onto his hand at this point, or simply just disappear, reducing his chances of getting even more ashamed. _why ?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> such sexual tension. kinda.
> 
> ps : I'M SORRY FOR THE PLAGUE REFERENCE. i couldn't help myself.


	3. you just seem oh-so-far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> all he could see was the dim glimmer of streetlights flashing by as he ran past them.
> 
> he ran, he ran, he ran, but it never felt to him like he was getting closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which tyler is being a over-exaggerating sad angry annoying lil' bitch.

josh burst into laughter when he noticed tyler's embarrassment.

"well it's a pleasure to meet you tyler joseph, i'm joshua dun," he chirped back cheerfully in an attempt to relieve tyler's unease, and it works like a charm.

tyler breaks into a timid chuckle. for the first time in what feels like forever, tyler kinda-sorta-maybe made a friend.

"wait a minute," josh started, squinting his eyes. he looked up, as if he was looking into his brain. tyler wondered why everyone kept doing this, it really didn't help to gather more thoughts at all. josh looked back at tyler. " _t_ _yler joseph!"_ he exclaimed, his sudden voice making tyler jump in his seat.

"we went to middle school together, i remember you," Josh added. tyler shivered at the thought. he tried his best to forget about that time in his life. "i doubt you remember me, i look quite different from then" josh continued, lifting his gaze to indicate his hair. tyler huffed in a laugh.

josh remembered it very clearly. tyler was really quiet, in fact we wasn't sure if he had ever heard him talk at all. he really wanted to talk to him, to befriend him, at the time. josh thought tyler was the only student who didn't seem like a complete asshole.

he remembers how one day tyler didn't show up at school. when he asked about it, he was told tyler was not going to be attending school for the rest of the year. this was the year before they went their separate ways for high school, so he hadn't seen him since then. he notices tyler's remorseful expression and immediately regrets bringing up the subject.

they talked about everything and nothing simultaneously, while munching on their food and sipping their coffees, that were getting exponentially colder.

tyler was excited. josh was probably the person he felt the more at ease while talking to, in spite of only knowing him for no longer than two hours. in fact he didn't really _know_ josh. all he knew was that he had three younger siblings - something they both had in common - and a cat named _crash_. kind of a weird name for a cat. tyler really was dying to see him though, which ended in him giving josh his number so he could send him pictures of crash. he seemed to avoid talking further about his family, and tyler let it slide.

"i'm gonna have to give you your money back some day," tyler addressed, changing the subject. he didn't know yet if he really wanted to repay josh for his kindness, or if that was only an excuse he gave to see him again.

"it's no big deal tyler, it's on me" josh smiled.

tyler didn't know what to say. his attempt at planning a future hangout session in a subtle way failed miserably. he couldn't say that, for sure. tyler guessed he should thank him, but it was already too late to respond without looking stupid.

"it's getting late," josh noticed, checking the time on his phone. "we should head back," he said, gathering their empty cups to dispose of them in the trash and standing up. tyler nodded, not mentioning they could head back to the _same place_.

he couldn't help but feel kind of sad as he started his car. he wanted to stay with Josh as long as he could. josh too wanted that. he wanted to tell tyler to just stop the car so they could talk until they couldn't stand to be awake for one more minute.

but he knew all good things had to come to an end.

 

***

 

tyler was driving in the road josh had directed him to, and right when he was going to ask where he should drop him off, Josh just stutters "uh.. just drop me off here, tyler".

tyler sees no house in sight, only two streetlights and a bench. he looks at josh in utter confusion. "i can walk, it's not that far," he affirmed before tyler could even say anything.

tyler didn't have the energy right now to question josh on why he insisted so badly on walking back to his place. josh sees tyler's worry but there's no way he can be seen getting out of his car. he knows people will be waiting patiently for his arrival, peering through the living room window, observing his every movement.

"please, tyler," he said, and tyler thought he heard his voice breaking.

tyler just stares at him with a frown, having no choice to stop his car to drop the boy off on the side of the street, probably miles away from his home. tyler didn't understand and he wanted to cry, somehow. he had this bad feeling in his stomach.

josh slid out the car while glancing sadly at tyler. he gave the weakest push at the door to watch it slowly create more and more distance between them. moments before the door finally comes to a close, tyler exclaims "see you soon!". then _slam_.

josh waved his arm at him, worded something with his lips that Tyler couldn't decipher, turned his back and he was gone.

tyler stared at his figure as he walked, and walked and walked, until he was only a small dot in his vision. josh definitely couldn't turn around at his point and let tyler know that he was _fucking crying_.

 _how fucking foolish of you, josh_ , he thought to himself as his vision blurred from the tears and he accelerated his pace.

 

***

 

one week. that was the amount of time tyler had already spent in his bed doing nothing. one week of blatant blankness, spent waiting, anticipating, expecting.

he kept his phone in his hand, even while sleeping. he expected a text, a call, something from josh, whether it was pictures of his stupid cat or him asking how he was doing. because, you see, he wasn't doing too too great. he wasn't eating much, was barely sleeping, spent his days cursing his own life.

he doesn't know why it's getting to him to that extent. some dude he didn't even know if he could call his friend was ignoring him and he acted as if someone died. he's infuriated towards Josh for making him feel that way.

why'd did he not call him ? was he too busy with work ? no way, josh had no issues skipping work, and last saturday was a very good example of that. tyler wondered if he had gotten on his high horses. did he get his hopes up ? maybe josh hated him. oh god, _he hated him_.

it was all clear to him now. josh must've offered him to buy him something to eat out of pity, then spent a while with him talking to avoid seeming like a douche. the whole time, for sure , he just couldn't wait until he could go home. he did everything he could to avoid tyler talking about hanging out once more. even on the drive home, he dreaded every second spent in that car with tyler. _j_ _osh hated him_. he hated him with burning passion, tyler was sure of it. he couldn't stand being in his presence. he couldn't take it anymore. he had to get out of that car, of course. he preferred walking miles and miles in the cold than spend any more minute with tyler. tyler didn't know what he had done to anger him.

this made so much sense to tyler, nonetheless a part of him wished it was false. no, his entire being wished it was false. he was no longer angry at Josh but rather _himself_.

he found himself crying again, and stuffed his face into his pillow to scream silently. his throat was sore, his head dizzy and he hated himself for freaking out over a guy he'd just met.

tyler hadn't had a quote unquote friend in a while. he never was one for talking and he thought everyone was out to get him anyways. he hadn't experienced the feelings he felt while with Josh in what seems like forever. now that he has lived without it for so long, he never would've thought that it would become the only thing he craves.

so he decides to go after it. he wanted to see him, he wanted to talk to him again, he wanted to- _nevermind_.

he wasn't gonna wait for him to contact him until his hair turns to gray. he knew it was ridiculous to expect josh to reach out to him instantly, he wasn't his _girlfriend_ , for god's sake.

and so he ran. he ran as fast as his small legs allowed him to and in a matter of seconds he was already out and on the sidewalk. fuck the car. he knew where josh worked and it was only at a 10 minute walking distance. he didn't even think once about the possibility of josh not being at the café at this very moment. he still didn't know what possessed him to do what he was doing, but he didn't back down. all he could see was the dim glimmer of streetlights flashing by as he ran past them.

he ran, he ran, he ran, but it never felt to him like he was getting closer.

in fact he was, and he only realized when he stepped foot into the café.

every customer stared at the boy who just crashed into the shop, hair ruffled, panting, struggling to catch his breath. tyler had gathered enough attention for josh to notice him.

tyler watched as the blue-green haired boy behind the counter turned to lay his widened eyes on him. they stared from a far at each other for a while, before josh broke their mutual glance to turn back to a short blond guy. tyler could hear exactly what he said that time ; "i'm going on break".

tyler was ecstatic. he got seated at a table near the front window, waiting for josh. it was in confusion that tyler watched josh walk towards a small room at the back of the shop, and not towards the front, beyond the counter space. he must have needed to retrieve something from the staff room. right ?

it had been ten minutes already when a pretty brown-haired girl wearing the same uniform came rushing behind the counter, coming from that same small room.

"has anyone seen Josh ?" she asked in distress to the other employees.

"he's on break right now," reassured the same blond boy from earlier.

"yeah, well he's not in the break room," she retorted with even more concern.

"that motherfucker," added a tall ginger boy, disappointment in his voice.

"we should really learn to lock the break room door to the outside," said another one.

the four employees sighed, as if they knew exactly what was going on.

tyler too, understood. josh had ran away from the shop, again. just like he did exactly a week ago. josh was the king of running away, he concluded. except this time, he ran away _from him_.

tyler didn't know why he still expected to see Josh enter the café again. he still waited patiently, then not so patiently. maybe hours had passed, he wasn't sure. he watched customers leave slowly, one by one.

he gradually slouched his position in his seat, as time went by. when he was laying his head on the table, he received a poke on his shoulder and heard a soft voice talk to him.

"hey, we're closing," said the voice. tyler looked up slightly to see the same brown-haired girl from earlier.

"were you waiting for someone ?" she asked. tyler nodded in response. when he saw that she didn't say anything else and only looked at him, he added "josh".

the girl, which tyler now knew was named hannah from the pin on her shirt, sighed at his words.

tyler carefully stood up from his seat. hannah put a hand on his shoulder as she walked him outside of the shop.

"you should stop waiting, honey," she said sweetly but sadly, sounding like she knew this was typical josh behaviour.

"you're friends with him ?" tyler asked hannah, curiously.

"i guess," she sighed. "do you need a ride home ?" she asked.

tyler nodded, accepting her proposal. there was no way he could walk all he had ran. he thanked her as he got into the passenger seat of her car, to which she said she was simply making up for Josh's actions.

 

***

 

tyler spent the next month or so - he stopped counting a while back - as miserably as the first week since meeting josh, if not _more_ miserably. there was nothing he could do now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops


	4. caught underwater and i'm falling farther

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what he saw through his window was a way too familiar face and a equally familiar head of hair, paired with the foreign expression of fear, desperation and the sight of blood.

now it was josh's turn to run.

with the only exception that he didn't know where he _was_ going, yet exactly where he _wanted_ to go. he needed to escape.

he wandered the streets of columbus, going seemingly nowhere. countless times he had walked up the front porches of houses, out of breath, out of his mind. he gave usually three aggressive and desperate knocks at the door, almost forgetting to check if the lights were on, as the darkness surrounding him suggested it was way past awake hours.

everytime he did so, someone would answer the door hurriedly no long after, gasping at his bloodied face and clearly awful emotional state. the strangers would always offer their help, rushing to call an ambulance. josh screamed and begged for them to stop, as he only wanted directions. they must've thought he was insane, and they wouldn't have been exactly wrong. they would do what they could to help him, giving him a vague answer or sometimes even an exact address.

josh probably went up to ten, fifteen houses and each time the doors closed his mind blanked and he forgot every direction he was given, which made him cry even harder while running in a limp aimlessly down the streets. he was losing his goddamn mind.

he had no idea how many miles he travelled. what he knew is that the sun had begun to rise since he left late at night.

 

***

 

josh thought he would never see the day when the decayed old car he had been in weeks ago would appear in his sight. he gasped at an intensity that made him choke. he thought his heart would stop.

he approached the driveway and saw a that a wooden plank was attached to their mailbox. the name _"joseph"_ was painted on in blue letters.

his breath was sharp and choppy and each inhalation sent a strike of pain to his chest. he thought he was going to pass out before reaching the house. no light escaped the front windows of the home, hinting that everybody was asleep.

josh thought he heard a sound. then another one, and multiple other ones. it was quite melodic actually. he figured it came from somewhere in the joseph residence.

he walked slowly towards it, recognizing the sound of piano keys.

he followed the music until he reached the back of the house, where he saw a small window, fleshed with the ground, emitting dim golden light.

josh carefully bent down to look through it.

and there he was, eyes closed, head tilted back, pouring his heart out over a piano. _tyler._

josh had almost forgot what he looked like, for not seeing him in almost five weeks, and it was all coming back to him now. josh's head turned, not knowing whether to feel relief or anguish. he was sobbing harder than ever now, he was in full panic mode.

he threw himself onto the grass in front of the window, placing a knock on the glass.

tyler slammed his two hands on the keys in shock when he heard a loud thump. He looked over and thought his circulatory system would cease to function.

what he saw through his window was a way too familiar face and a equally familiar head of hair, paired with the foreign expression of fear, desperation and the sight of blood.

he got up an ran to the window in a heartbeat to open it, filling the room with josh's heavy panting and the now sickening sound of wind blowing and birds singing. tyler looked at his tear-welling eyes before holding a hand out. josh took it, tightly gripping it as he trembled.

the window was conveniently josh-sized, and he squeezed through it with ease, tyler's hold preventing him from falling face first on the ground. he threw his heavy bag off when his feet hit the floor.

tyler didn't really know what he expected, but it sure wasn't for Josh to collapse in his arms, weeping.

tyler pulled the shorter boy in a tight embrace, whispering reassuring words that he could barely hear. he felt Josh's chest rise up and down against his own, as he held the fabric at the back of tyler's shirt as an anchor. his curly hair was tickling his shoulder and neck as he could still hear him whimpering.

tyler had no idea what was going on. he was conflicted, and held back his own tears. he had wanted to be close to josh for so long, but not like this. not in these circumstances.

he had too many questions unanswered but now was not the time to ask them. how did he find where he lived ? where did he come here out of all places and why was he in such a condition ? why was there blood dripping from his face ? who hurt him like this ? tyler thought his head would explode.

he felt like every inch of repressed anger and aggressivity he had would come out if he ever encountered whoever caused this.

"i have nowhere to go, tyler" he blurted out in between two sobs, fastening his hook on his friend's back even more.

tyler didn't know what to do, what to say. his eyes were threatening to release tears at any given moment.

"it's gonna be alright," he consoled, tracing his hand up and down josh's back. tyler felt powerless. he knew from experience this was the least comforting thing to be told. most times it didn't turn out okay afterwards.

he felt Josh's breathing gently regaining normalcy, then him pulling away.

"sorry , i..." he began, looking desperately for words to say.

"it's okay," tyler interrupted. "you don't have to," he went on.

since josh's head has been on his shoulder from the moment he came in, tyler never had the chance to notice how messed up his face had gotten until now. his eyes were red from crying, he had one two many bruises on his face, and blood had dried under his slightly swollen lip and over a scratch on his cheek. the scratch he had on the bridge of his nose weeks ago still hadn't faded.

he wonders how josh got himself in that situation. tyler had his ideas, and the thoughts alone broke his heart. he had ran away after all, judging from the backpack he had carried. this was the third time he had ran away in the span of tyler knowing him, this time not from him but to him. the king of running away, _indeed._

was it too early to pull him back into a hug after they had been in each other's arms for fifteen minutes only moments before ? probably. so he didn't.

"you're the first person that I thought of going to," josh admitted. "i just couldn't stay there," he uttered.

tyler didn't reply at first. he wanted to know further but he knew it was painful for josh to talk about it.

"you could stay here for the night," tyler offered hesitantly, stumbling on his words. josh looked at him, dumbfounded. yes, this was what he hoped tyler would say but he had never imagined he would be okay with that, let alone consider it.

"you sure ?" josh asked, lifting an eyebrow. "it doesn't bother you ?"

"of course not," Tyler assured. "i'd do anything to help. you'll figure something out tomorrow, you need some rest right now."

josh nodded quietly. god, tyler was one of the nicest person he had ever met. it took all of the strength he had left to resist hugging him again out of gratitude.

"thank you," he mumbled. he thought the world would be a better place and his own life much easier if everyone was as kind and good as tyler.

the room was submerged by silence again, the two boys facing each other, clumsily avoiding eye contact.


	5. i won't take much of your time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _just enough for you to save me_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //TRIGGER WARNING : mentions of abuse and a very subtle mention of depression/self-harm.
> 
> pretty sad stuff.
> 
> *if you haven't listened to save by tyler joseph (or the entirety of no phun intended, while you're at it) already, now is the time to do it or else the 2nd half of this chapter might not make a lot sense*

"i should probably fix this then," says josh, circling a hand around his face. "it's probably gross"

"right," tyler agreed, showing him the way to the bathroom. josh grasped the handle of his bag, dragging it along the floor as he followed tyler.

once they were both practically crammed in the small bathroom, josh was faced with his reflection in the tiny rounded mirror over the sink. he really did look like a mess. he hadn't seen his face so badly wrecked in a couple of months. he didn't even look like _himself_. he hadn't noticed until now that the obnoxious bruises covering his face were also violently painful at the touch.

tyler more or less shows him around the bathroom, in order to get him used to the surroundings. he at least hands him a few towels so he could clean his face up.

"you can use the shower if you want. make yourself at home," tyler voiced before leaving the room and closing the door behind him.

it was only a minute after that he heard the water running from the shower head. he knew the noise wouldn't bother or wake up anyone in the household ; it was already pretty regular of tyler to shower while everybody was sleeping, they were used to it.

he sat on the side of his mattress, wondering _what the fuck_ had even happened in the last twenty minutes and replaying the scene in his head over and over again.

 

***

 

it had already been forty five minutes since they last parted ways. as far as tyler's ears could decipher, josh was still in the shower.

every second that passed made tyler's worry grow. he knew that josh was probably crying his eyes out all over again, and he wondered if he would ever leave the bathroom.

he chased the thoughts out of his mind as he got up from his bed. after all, josh had some bruises he needed some taking care of and he promised to help.

he walked carefully out of his room, up the stairs and to the kitchen, not only being mindful of the amount of noise he made but also of the pitch darkness the hallways were drenched in. the only light in sight was from the numbers atop the stove reading 4:32. was it already _that_ late ?

nevertheless, tyler got a bag of ice from the freezer, not knowing whether or not this would actually help to relieve the pain or reduce the swelling of bruises. as he was looking through the freezer, he thought he might as well grab an half-empty carton of ice cream ; poor Josh must be hungry.

he took a spoon from the kitchen drawers before tiptoeing his way back down to his room.

"ah, there you are," said josh who had apparently gotten out the shower in the meantime. his hair had turned a darker shade of blue from the water, no to mention he was distractingly _shirtless._

tyler turned away as quickly as he could, blushing against his will. he had to fight back the urge to bring the ice to his face to cool it down.

"ah, sorry,"  he chuckled, noticing tyler's bashfulness. "i should probably put on a shirt," he affirmed while throwing on a black one. it was unusual for tyler to see him in anything else than his ugly forest green uniform, and even more unusual without any shirt on - which wasn't necessarily an unpleasant view. he was looking better now that the blood had been cleaned off his face.

he was sitting on the brown couch in the corner of the basement, as if he was claiming it as his sleeping arrangement for the night. tyler didn't mind, although he did think they would've had to share the bed.

"i got you some ice", he said, extending an arm, offering him what he had brought from the kitchen. "and ice cream."

josh gladly accepted it, nodding in acknowledgement. he put the ice to his forehead - where the most painful bruise was - with one hand, attacking the cold treat with the spoon he held in his free hand. if only he had always gotten that kind of care and attention when he needed it, maybe he wouldn't have turned out like he did. he briefly looked over at tyler as he sat back down on his bed. he was just so kind and pure. josh couldn't help but smirk thinking of the ways he could taint tyler's innocence.

silence filled the room again, reminding josh of the time they spent in that treehouse, which already seemed like it had happened years ago now. he turned his head around to face tyler, only to find out the boy was already sleeping peacefully. fair enough.

"goodnight, ty," he sighed, without expecting a reply.

 

***

 

tyler woke back up to the faint sound of crying. it took him a few seconds to recall how he had sheltered an attractive teenage runaway the night before.

"josh ?" he stuttered.

"i'm alright, tyler," he whispered, wiping his eyes using the hem of his t-shirt and taking a deep breath. "it's just," he began, before giving up on finishing his sentence.

tyler sat up in his bed, now able to see the other boy across the room. he was still laying on the old couch, staring at the ceiling.

he so badly wanted to know the source of josh's sorrow. he wanted to know what in the world had him crawling to his window at around 3 in the morning, face and mind broken beyond repair. well, he thought he knew already, but he needed to _understand._ he wanted to be the one to melt josh's pain away, somehow, which he was aware was very selfish of him.

he felt drops of water creeping up the corners of his own eyes again. _no_. he blinked the tears away swiftly. he was usually able to witness someone being hurt without getting _too_ emotional, but this time he couldn't. he just wanted to help him so desperately, disregarding the fact that he also was in dire need of help. 

"it's okay, i swear," he insisted, almost as he had read tyler's mind. "i think i'm safe now."

though something made him feel like this time it was okay to talk about it. he always felt guilty when sharing, almost as if he was imposing his problems on others thus ruining their bliss for the day. all he would receive back were a couple of falsely apologetic smiles and a few pats on the back. _pity_. he didn't want pity.

something in tyler's face made him appear as if he really cared, and truthfully he did. he had already gathered so much affection for this _slightly-more-than-stranger-person_ , or whatever.

josh let out a profound sigh. but if there was anybody in this world that he could trust, it was probably tyler, right ?

"when i was twelve," he started, gaining all of tyler's attention.

he then proceeded to tell him all there was to know, from the beginning. he told him all about the way his alcoholic-ass parents began to beat him up or slaughter him with insults each time he would do or say anything contrary to their liking, which turned out to be quite often, apparently. he told him how his dad would reduce him to a crying, bleeding, hurting mess on the floor, as he could faintly hear the sound of his siblings screaming from the other room, while his mother would yell at them to _shut their damned mouths_. through the years, his mom and dad never lost an opportunity to remind him that he was a worthless failure. 

he ignored his choked up voice and continued to tell Tyler each detail of the story that weren't too agonizing to word out, as tyler just _listened_. and it was all josh could've ever asked ; for someone to simply lend a sympathetic ear.

in reality, tyler was also not finding any slither of strength to say anything, feeling like any word he would attempt to speak would only come out as a flat-out whimper. but really he knew that responding wasn't the right thing to do as of now. 

they settled for silence - which seemed to have became a regular activity for them - again. josh was still breathless from all the breaking memories that came flooding his head. he had almost forgot that some of these memories that seemed so distant had happened less than twenty-four hours ago, and that he was practically homeless. tyler, however couldn't keep his mind off it.

"josh," he let out, eventually interrupting their quietness. "y-you could just... live here, y'know"

josh looked over, furrowing one brow in a frown. "what ?"

"i'm serious," he retorted. "there's no way i'm letting you go back to your parent's house."

"i'm eighteen, i'm old enough to move out and get my own place," josh said, hoping tyler had a winning argument because he really couldn't do that right now.

"oh, and I suppose you can _afford_ your own place," he snapped sarcastically, crossing his arms over his chest.

this time Josh really couldn't argue. his shitty job at a coffee shop wasn't going to help paying rent or buying food.

"alright," he complied in a sigh, "your family won't be bothered by it ?"

the corners of tyler's mouth curled up in a grin, "who said they had to know ?"

josh laughed but couldn't help but worry. when he was young, he managed to keep a kitten in his room as a secret, but would tyler really be capable of hiding a _grown man_ in his basement ?

"it's really not a problem," tyler assured. "nobody ever comes down here anyway, and if they do it's to check up on me. I just have to make sure from time to time that they know I'm actually alive, in that case they won't go downstairs."

"if you say so," josh shrugged. 

"on weekdays, the house is empty from 8am to 3pm. we just have to be cautious not to make too much noise when there's actually people in here," tyler explained.

"what do you mean by _noise_ ?" josh asked with a witty smirk.

tyler threw a pillow at him in annoyance, that josh dodged with ease as he burst into laughter. "i meant _talking_ too loudly, you ass"

what the hell did he get himself into ?

at least, he thought that having someone in the same room 24/7 would ensure he wouldn't even have the occasion to relapse.

 

***

 

"enough about me, tyler," josh stated, finally sitting up from his slouched position on the couch. "what do you do ?" he asked, resting his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands.

"music, I guess," he replied, slightly startled by the sudden question.

"never would've guessed," josh said ironically, looking for the hundredth time towards the wooden upright piano, then the drumset shoved in a corner and the ukulele he had seen him carry around weeks ago, lazily put away against a wall.

"i try to write and stuff, it's not really good but..," he stuttered shyly, fiddling with his hair.

josh rolled his eyes, "i'm sure it's amazing. dare to show me ?"

tyler froze instantly. he remembered the dozen of cds he made in the intention of handing them out to friends and family. instead, the pile stayed hidden in the back of his closet, collecting dust and destined to never see the light of day. that album was a piece of his own soul, and making people listen to it just didn't seem right, he couldn't bring himself to do it. but, somehow, he figures he could share that part of him with josh.

without saying a word he nodded and went over to his piano, placing down a chord instinctively before even sitting down. he followed it with other chords without thinking too much about what he was doing, before it struck him. he just recognized the song he had started. he remembered the day he had wrote it and recorded it, not even a year before. it was never intended to be a piano song, but that was the way he wrote it, and playing it again revived the thoughts that were haunting him at the time.  _nonononononono_

tyler had sworn to himself he would never listen to this song again, let alone play it or sing it. he couldn't just perform it right now in his basement, yet his hands were still moving, almost unwillingly. 

josh sat back, watching it all happen from a distance. he was blown away by the amount of emotion he was able to put solely in playing the piano. he didn't look at him once, concentrating on the placement of his fingers on the keys. josh was afraid that tyler's voice would send him to tears, as he was already doing his best not to cry. and it did.

tyler tried desperately to come up with ways to transition into another song, but the part where he had to actually begin to sing was approaching dangerously, not giving him any room for a plan b. it was too late now. he took a deep breath, and before he knew it, he was singing the song he had dreaded for months. 

 

_i won't take much of your time_

_i just want you to see_

_what I have made inside these lines_

_it's as good as I can be_

_it's as good as I can be_

_this is all that I can be_

_this is all that I can be_

_all that I can be_

_head tilted down, knees on the ground_

_and I will ask..._

 

harrowing flashbacks rushed back and struck him like lighting. sitting at the same exact place, he had let out a blood curdling scream, pulling away slightly from his cheap recorder. instantly he had heard the sound of lights flickering open, then the tumbling of stairs and family members calling his name. then there were sirens. someone from the neighbourhood had _called the police_. his memory had faded and his mind blanked, but all he recalls is his mother holding him, desperately trying to bring back the littlest bit of sanity to her son who was still sobbing in her arms, repeating over and over again the words she had heard him yell a minute before.

his voice cracked as he attempted to sing through his choked up voice.

 

_please,_

 

now he was holding back that scream, his voice already hoarse simply from the thought.

 

_save me_

 

he sang in a whisper the words he had once cried out at the top of his lungs. they seemed so foreign coming out of his mouth, now that they weren't drowned in the sorrow and misery they had always been in for him. somehow theses emotions were still attached to tyler's words, only they had been left hanging at the back of his throat, way too afraid to manifest themselves.

he had briefly forgot that josh was in the room, hearing and listening to every word he was singing.

he shot a glance at him over his shoulder. he was practically breathless, eyes reddening as he frowned, clutching at the fabric covering the couch he was sitting on the edge of and staring at him through what was left of his hazy sight. he pronounced tyler's name in a low mutter, to which he didn't respond. he turned away, regathering more or less his attention back to the nonsense he was playing on the piano.

"you know," tyler voiced, still planting notes mindlessly on the keys, having already given up on the second verse, "it wasn't originally like that, this song."

"how so ?" josh wondered.

tyler doesn't know why hearing Josh's voice was what made him lose it. He lost all he had been keeping in since the moment josh barged into his basement, which already seemed so far away. whether or not the build up of the repressed compassionate sadness was what actually made the glass overfill, that, he was oblivious about. all he knew was that he was crying, sobbing and whimpering at a rate and extent he hadn't reached in months.

now all he could think about were the arms that were wrapped tightly around him and the voice whispering consolatory words in his ear.

a song he had once wrote about the lord now related to a boy who was holding him close.

 

_josh, please save me_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :))))):


End file.
